“Man up”, “Be a man”, “Don’t be a wimp”. These are words that men have all heard throughout their lives.
The constant pressure for men to be strong and emotionless is toxic. In fact, it’s killing men.
Statistics from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention show that men are killed by suicide 3.53 times more than women.
These words teach men to suppress their emotions and avoid discussing their problems. The effects of this can last a lifetime.
Men often feel like they cannot discuss their problems due to fear of seeming weak or look like a “sissy.” But that’s not true, opening up to others and showing emotions is a beautiful thing.
The effects of telling men to “man up” are far-reaching. It makes men suppress and isolate themselves. It has long-lasting social and psychological effects. These can take generations to overcome.
Let’s dive right in and discuss the effects of toxic masculinity and what it means to be a man.
Man Up: What does it mean?
When men hear they have to “man up” or something similar, they hear that their feelings don’t matter. They hear that being strong and emotionless is more important than what they are feeling.
This is a toxic mindset and is damaging to young boys and men.
Harmful stereotypes have led to the detriment of men’s mental health. They give men the wrong impression of what it means to be a man.
It doesn’t help that many male role models are an epitome of this imaginary notion of “being a man”.
So many male role models are portrayed as strong, handsome, aggressive and competitive.
Boys are raised to find action figures and toy guns enjoyable. If a boy is to play with a “girls” toy, they are often ridiculed for it.
These effects carry into adulthood, and they have enormous psychological and societal effects.
Toxic Masculinity
Toxic masculinity is the result of these psychological or societal effects.
When men are told to “man up”, they are told to abandon their natures. They try to adapt to a non-existent ideal of what it means to be a man.
As a result, men are forced into presenting a version of themselves that is untrue. God forbid he appears to be ‘effeminate’ or ’emasculated’ for enjoying the things he does.
The difference between masculinity and toxic masculinity is simple.
Masculinity is a set of behaviors and traits which have associations with men.
Toxic masculinity is a subset of masculinity. It encompasses harmful and dangerous behaviors. It’s often marked by a need to humiliate, dominate and control others.
Toxic masculinity is often driven by an overwhelming fear of emasculation.
It is not an inherent behavior. It is learned and enforced by others and in the media.
Psychological Effects of Toxic Masculinity
Let’s start with the psychological toll that toxic masculinity has on a man.
Toxic masculinity can lead to the detriment of men’s mental health. A lot of men believe they cannot speak out about their mental health due to the fear of looking weak.
Often, men are left to deal with their struggles alone. This can lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicide.
Toxic masculinity teaches men that they aren’t allowed to cry. It teaches men to become emotionally unavailable. This can lead to many mental health issues down the road.
It often paves the way for men to become angry, frustrated and lonely. Putting on a strong, aggressive and competitive fa?ade is damaging and unsustainable.
A strong trait of toxic masculinity is ‘self-reliance’. A man is taught not to seek help, to do it on his own. To seek help is portrayed as a weakness.
But it’s not, getting help and taking responsibility for your own happiness is a sign of strength. Admit that you need help or want to talk about your feelings. This is a strong move in claiming your own happiness.
Societal Effects of Toxic Masculinity
Toxic masculinity isn’t just harmful to men, it’s harmful to society.
It teaches men to be competitive, aggressive, violent, and intimidating.
As a result, a lot of men learn that they must prove themselves. They get into fights, they become aggressive and this can be very dangerous.
Toxic masculinity teaches men to objectify women. It teaches men that women are nothing more than sex objects that are to be won and possessed, instead of being real people.
It is often seen in movies. Films like Indiana Jones and James Bond portray the hero as the epitome of what it means to be a man. He often incites violence towards other men. He “wins” the girl, but only after sexist and misogynistic behaviors towards her.
These behaviors are toxic. But the protagonist is rewarded and revered because he is the hero.
Domestic violence is often a result of toxic masculinity. 1 in 3 women in the US are victims of physical violence by a partner.
Toxic masculinity leads to men being unable to relate to women as equals or partners. When women are treated as sex objects or lesser beings, it’s hard for some men to make a real connection.
From a young age up till adulthood, men’s toxic behaviors are often dismissed as “boys being boys”. This excuses and permits toxic behavior. It keeps the cycle of violence and aggression going.
When men subscribe to the notion of toxic masculinity, society suffers.
Women suffer, men suffer, and children suffer. If a child sees their father acting and enforcing toxic masculine traits, they will accept it as the norm.
Raising your daughters and sons in a way that is compassionate and loving. This is a great way to end the cycle of toxic masculinity.
You Don’t Need to “Man Up”
It’s important to note that toxic masculinity is not an inherent part of masculinity.
Masculinity is a beautiful thing. Be comfortable with your emotions and insecurities without being aggressive or violent. This is what it means to be a man.
Toxic masculinity is a set of learned and enforced behavior. They aren’t exclusive to all men.
Choosing to be empathetic, compassionate and positive is the best way to break the mold. This will not only lead to the happiness of others, but it makes you a better man.
