No matter how much you may have cared about an ex-lover while you were with them, there’s a chance they may hate you and be very hostile towards you now.
There are scientific reasons why some people hate their exes. And those reasons can make it nearly impossible for two people to remain civil towards one another after they have broken up.
If you have an ex that is making life difficult for you, you should learn how to deal with a hostile ex accordingly. You can save yourself a lot of time and aggravation by taking the right steps while working through a particularly bad breakup.
Here are 7 ways that you can deal with a hostile ex without losing your mind.
1. Try to Figure Out What Your Ex Might Want From You
Does your ex continue to contact you even though you’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t want to speak to them anymore?
There are a bunch of different reasons why they might be unwilling to let you go. They might want:
- To get back together with you
- To get an apology for something you did to them
- To get an explanation as far as why you broke up with them
- To get a sense of closure
If you can figure out what they want, you can deal with a hostile ex better.
For example, if they want an apology and you’re willing to swallow your pride and give it to them, you can get them out of your life forever.
Or if they want to know why you decided to break up with them and you can give them one last explanation, that might be enough to do the trick.
You should, of course, look out for an ex who tries to trick you into communicating with them. If you’ve already apologized or given an explanation and they demand more, that’s a sign that they’re just using those reasons to stay in touch with you.
But by finding out what exactly your ex wants, you stand a better chance of pacifying the situation and moving on.
2. Avoid Lashing Out at Your Ex When They Become Hostile With You
In the aftermath of a bad breakup, your hostile ex may say and do things to intentionally try and get under your skin.
They may call you names. They may tell you that you’re an awful person. They may even make up lies about you.
While you probably won’t be pleased with what they have to say about you, you should avoid fighting their fire with fire of your own. The only thing that will do is keep you connected to them.
Rather than lashing out at your ex in an effort to hurt them, you should say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” when they insult you and then cut ties with them.
3. Recognize When Your Ex Attempts to Bait You Into Communicating With Them
In a last-ditch effort to win you back, a hostile ex might try and bait you into having a conversation with them.
They might call or text you and say something like:
- “You wouldn’t believe how great this new guy/girl I met is!”
- “So I found out about what you were doing the night after we broke up…”
- “I’m going to tell everyone about that secret you told me when we first got together”
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and a hostile ex is going to pull out all the stops if they feel like you’re ignoring them or not taking them seriously enough.
In most cases, you should continue to ignore them and pay them no mind.
The only time you might want to step in is if your ex says they’re going to hurt themselves if you don’t respond. In that case, you should consider reaching out to the police to get them involved.
4. Steer Clear of Hanging Out in Places Where Your Ex Might Show Up
One of the toughest parts about a bad breakup is that it means you might not be able to hang out in places you used to love to go.
If your ex spends a lot of time at a specific bar or in a particular park, you should stay away from that area. The last thing you want to do is put yourself in a position where you’ll have no choice but to speak with them.
Make a list of the places where your ex might go and then stay far, far away from them. It might mean making a sacrifice on your part, but it’ll be well worth it in the end.
5. Resist the Urge to Meet Up With Your Ex for Any Reason
Is your ex suggesting you might up so that they can give you back your old sweatshirt they used to wear? Tell them to keep it.
Or are they asking you to meet up for one last sexual escapade? Let them know you’re not interested.
Even though an ex is hostile, they might try to convince you to meet them somewhere. You shouldn’t do it unless it’s absolutely necessary. And even then, you should meet in a public place with lots of people around.
6. Record Any Contact Your Ex Has With You
At some point, you might not be able to deal with a hostile ex anymore without getting the police and the courts involved.
If it comes to this, it would be great for you to have a record of all the phone calls and text messages between you and your ex.
Your records could prove that your ex is stalking or harassing you. They could help you score a restraining order against an ex that poses a potential threat to you.
7. Learn to Let Go of Any Hatred You Might Feel for Your Ex
When dealing with an ex that just won’t go away, you might start to resent them.
Try not to do this! Your resentment will take a toll on you and could impact your emotions and even your physical health.
It won’t be easy to forgive your ex for acting out towards you. But over time, you should work to let go of any hate you have in your heart. It’ll be the best thing for all parties involved.
Deal With a Hostile Ex the Right Way and Move On With Your Life
It’s definitely not easy to deal with a hostile ex. It can take weeks, months, and in some cases, even years to cut off communication with an ex completely.
But if you follow the steps listed here, you should be able to get your life back in order and move on from your ex in no time.
And who knows? You and your ex may even be able to see eye-to-eye again one day without the barrier that exists between you now.
Read our blog to discover more tips on dating and becoming a better man.
